do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
