Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize