girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
