Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
