so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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