So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
