one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
