i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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