i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
