I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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