I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
