this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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