Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
