i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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