I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
