I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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