Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
