Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
