When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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