she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
