It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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