i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
