no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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