he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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