Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
