He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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