I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
