I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
