omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My balls are so social today.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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