I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
