Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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