dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
