i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
