He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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