"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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