I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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