I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
