Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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