WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
