i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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