I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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