just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
