i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
