i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
