would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
