Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
