haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize