I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
