he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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