Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
