I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
