Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
