I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
