you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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