You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
