The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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