Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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