i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
