Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
