How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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