im drinking this country out of the recession.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
