Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
