Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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