I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
