Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All the doctor said was why
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
