I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
