I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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