just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
