I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
