gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
