my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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