Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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