why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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