What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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