Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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