Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize