well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize