Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
