Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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