did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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