so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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