I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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