I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
