this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
