maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
