I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
