Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
