I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
