I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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