Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
