there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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