They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
