Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
