It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
