1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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