I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
