the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
