exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
