if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
