I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
whose parrot is this?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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