i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
