I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
