oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
