what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize