It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
