I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My bed smells like the plague
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
