Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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