Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
