drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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