If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
