well you can't waste a boner
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
