Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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