four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
