My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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